Tag Archives: health

An honest look

With a whole slew of my friends getting married or getting their dream jobs or simply getting knocked up… I feel obligated to freak out just a little bit. I don’t know what I thought I would be doing in my early twenties… But I figured life would specifically be heading somewhere.

But while trippin quietly to myself while giving everyone props, I stopped to consider why that is… And the reasons after a bit of introspection were a little shocking.
I am daunted by the concept of living life. It’s not that it scares me to be alive… It’s more that I am overwhelmed by the innumerable options I have with ways I could spend my time.

1. I feel embarrassed about investing my time in things that may be unsuccessful in the future.

The concept of investing my time in starting a business only to have it fail, to pursue a career in music only to be met with shitty reviews and no gigs, to write my novel only for it to be trite nonsense when read back to me… I’m afraid to fail. I don’t want to find out I’m not as awesome as I think I am.

2. I’m depressive.

It’s not that I’m living in a cozy blanket of misery.. It’s that it takes an extra push for me to find something that truly gets me out of bed and excited. I need to actually go out of my way to take an interest in life and that’s because…

3. I’m not actually following my passions

Instead of using the time that I have to myself to home a skill that I value so that I’m prepared for my next big opportunity, I futz about paralyzed by musings. Instead of writing exercises or reading monologues or practicing vocal technique… I nope about not have a show or a due date and sulk. It’s not just being lazy… I’m also exhausted because finally…

4. I don’t take care of myself

I used to work out to strengthen my body. Study to strengthen my mind. Meditate to temper my spirit. Now I sort of think about doing those things… But that’s all I do.

Because I’ve forgotten how to live for myself. I don’t do the things that are important to me. And it’s taking a toll. It makes my life feel less worth living. That’s no ones fault but my own.

It’s not that I’m a total slob who lives in his PJs and stained sweats… It’s that I’m not aspiring to accomplish all those things that feed my spirit. I’m not feeding my spirit.

If you don’t feed things… They start to die

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Daily Post 9: I’m in love btw

Midday post ho!

So today, it’s time for the WEEKEND UPDATE!

I’m madly in love with a girl named “Fred”. (there’s an obscure theater joke in there)

Have I told you guys that? Have been for months, I could gush about her for hours, but you’d start to hate me. She’s fantastic. She’s beautiful, she funny, and she makes me want to be a better man.

Part of all of my efforts to be a better person are about me. And part of them are about the people I love… There’s also a tiny part of it that’s about the people who hate me. I want them to drink in my six pack and drunk text me their confessions of adoration to which I’ll reply, “sorry, darling, but I’m taken.”

Not really. I’m not that narcissistic. I pretend to be.

But on a similar note, self-love is important in many aspects of life. If I didn’t love myself I wouldn’t want to push myself to be better. If I didn’t love myself I wouldn’t know how to treat “Fred” with love.

I have to like myself. Love myself even. I’m stuck with me after all.

Daily Post 6: Tripping

Hey guys,

I didn’t run today. I rode my bike somewhere twice because I forgot the key however, so I think it makes up for that.

Speaking of biking… cars are fucking horrifying. As a driver, I know just how much you hate not knowing if I’ll fall in front of you and cause you to commit manslaughter, which in turn infuriates you and makes you want to commit murder.

You want to run me over. I know you do. I’ve been you. Tomorrow when I can drive I will be you. You want to run me down and I’ve accepted it. Please don’t. People care about me, or so I like to think.

today I did not do any of my planned structured work outs or study languages. I had a job interview and it was over in seconds because I would rather see the love of my life than work for Best Buy. It sucks. I almost didn’t do this post because I felt I had nothing good to report. But like I said earlier, not finishing the run doesn’t mean you quit trying that trail. I have something to achieve. I’ll get there. I just have to stay on the path.

I did however make an artistic change to a project, get out of the house to hear some poetry live, and finish this damn post. Good for my soul.

Always look on the bright side. Take pleasure in the little things