Tag Archives: blogging

ttyl driving

popping ichor laced lashes open,
salted tears stinging their freedom through
swollen vision.

sterile white, burning breaths,
in, out
searing reds rip through my fingers,
screws. Finger screws.
Trapped in this broken body.
Tubes as though my doctor is Frankenstein.
If humor is not dead, neither am I.

4 sleeps from now, I’m entreated to see
the slivers I look through in a mirror.
The only bits exposed through the plaster cocoon.

10 sleeps later, I am cut loose.
my limbs are still jelly.
I am not a butterfly.

I won’t ever walk again.


Not So daily Posts: Banished to Elo Hell(or League Hell for Season 3) League of Legends.

What does this have to do with Zexton’s self improvement? A lot. I’ll tell you how with an explanation of a game I love and the problem that I had. Quick things…

1. What is Elo Hell? 2. Why does it matter?

1. It is a perceived space in which players believe they are stuck. they think it is impossible to progress forward in ranking because every game, someone on their team fails them.

2. It matters, because no sane people should play games that they deem a personal hell.

For those of you who have no idea, League of Legends is and Multiplayer Online Battle Arena(MOBA) game. What happens is you grab 5 friends or non-friends(usually the latter in most situations) and you play capture the flag*

*We should here replace tagging and jail with death at the hands of your opponents and laser firing obelisks, and capturing the flag with burning down your enemy’s house*

Most players start the game sucking horribly. And we know this. We do things like miss abilities and actually save our enemies. Then after turning the tide in our enemies favor get killed trying to escape…  Many don’t even realize how bad they are. It’s not your intentions that win, it’s the results. See 40 second video below for an example:

One day, after 5 hrs of play, some of us start figure out the basics of the game. We know how to earn gold to buy items and kill things. Maybe even learn the importance of objectives. We understand the mechanics of our characters and maybe someday with that same champion we’ll start doing things like this:

But after they learn to play one champion and have that first game where they just stomp the enemy, all bets are off.

The problem however is that once people have the skill to intentionally defeat an opponent, they quickly forget about the importance of their behavior to the rest of their team. It’s a team game… and you are at a distinct disadvantage if you don’t have the team skills to win. And while some individuals enjoy team play and will band together to achieve victory and help each other win. It is often much easier for them to blame someone else for the team failing.

Golden Rule of LoL: Never die in the process of killing things, unless the value of your actions in that moment is worth more for you and your team than what the enemy gets for killing you.

Understanding that principle can take you very far.

Where people should be getting objectives, they are chasing enemies and getting killed by the opposing team who is working together to bring them down. Where people should be playing safely and acquiring gold until they can get the assistance they need to kill their opponent, they are getting desperate and aggressive trying to prove to themselves they can do it alone. They blame their allies for not helping them, their allies blame them for playing poorly, and they all lose together anyway.

Instead of trying to help their less able teammates to play better, they find a scapegoat to blame for the loss and proceed to act as though they are above their team because they weren’t first to fuck up. Where they should be searching the enemy’s weaknesses and crippling the enemy’s strongest players, they are exposing their own weaknesses in cross team chat saying “GG Fail Nid.” Now everyone on the enemy team knows that your Nidalee is persona non gratis and you guys aren’t going to help her. In fact you’re probably going to deny her help and resources and make it easier for them to punish her failings. You’re going to let them win by exploiting your team’s weakness and they will capitalize on her failings while you make her feel worse and play worse, possibly to the point where she hurts the team intentionally. “Fail jungle” same thing. We’re not going to help him if you invade. We’re not going to follow up when he comes to make a play.

Another thing that is terrible about playing for ranking is when people refuse to fill a role on the team because they simply want to play something else. If you have nothing to bring to the team, why are you on it? Instead of picking something that can clearly help your team succeed in the circumstances that it is in, you chose to pick something that hurts the chances of your allies success. It’s childish.

I know you want to have fun, we all do. But there are game modes for fun. When you’re there to raise your ranking, you’re there to play in a way that will actually increase your team’s chance of winning whether or not it’s the most fun you’ve had.

Your ability to actually carry your team to victory with intelligent play is what you are supposed to demonstrate when you play a ranked game. It’s not to show off how many kills you can get, it’s to demonstrate how often your skill can lead to YOUR TEAM being victorious regardless of who is on it. If you don’t truly know you can play well enough to determine your own victory against odds, then why do you deserve a better rating than the one you have?


Learn to be strong enough that you can carry others to victory. The act of carrying others requires supporting them when they are not strong enough, bringing out their strengths, and leading them, even if from behind and/or God forbid(sarcasm) by example


Here’s a link to try the game.


My Summoner Name is humpingbunnies on the NA server. Friend me, we’ll play


if you’re on EU West, I’m kidtitan and the link above is for you 🙂

Faily post 12: blast!

I was so close to everyday posts guys, but illness and absentminded sneaks caused me to miss a post.
There’s been a lot of faltering on my part in terms of sticking to all of the things I wanted to do. And the blog is the last of the dominoes to topple I suppose.
This is not a resignation. This is simply realization of the lack of discipline I suffer from and a resolution to redouble my efforts.
Like I tend to say often these days, “Tomorrow is a new day.”

Daily Post 9: I’m in love btw

Midday post ho!

So today, it’s time for the WEEKEND UPDATE!

I’m madly in love with a girl named “Fred”. (there’s an obscure theater joke in there)

Have I told you guys that? Have been for months, I could gush about her for hours, but you’d start to hate me. She’s fantastic. She’s beautiful, she funny, and she makes me want to be a better man.

Part of all of my efforts to be a better person are about me. And part of them are about the people I love… There’s also a tiny part of it that’s about the people who hate me. I want them to drink in my six pack and drunk text me their confessions of adoration to which I’ll reply, “sorry, darling, but I’m taken.”

Not really. I’m not that narcissistic. I pretend to be.

But on a similar note, self-love is important in many aspects of life. If I didn’t love myself I wouldn’t want to push myself to be better. If I didn’t love myself I wouldn’t know how to treat “Fred” with love.

I have to like myself. Love myself even. I’m stuck with me after all.

Daily Post 8: A Better Bed Time

I need to find a way to get to sleep. I need to find a way to write in the day time. While I’ve managed to keep blogging everyday, strange injuries are preventing me from working out the way I want to and sleeping as well as I would otherwise.

If I could go to bed at 11 and do all my midnight business at 4am… I think I’d’ve conquered the world by now.

My language learning pursuits have slipped a little, too.

I’m a little saddened by all the things I’ve had to put on hiatus today, but one setback doesn’t have to mean the end of a good thing. I’ll call it forced R&R and get back to work at a less maddening pace soon. Molding yourself into the person you want to be is possible. It just takes will power.

Daily Post 6: Tripping

Hey guys,

I didn’t run today. I rode my bike somewhere twice because I forgot the key however, so I think it makes up for that.

Speaking of biking… cars are fucking horrifying. As a driver, I know just how much you hate not knowing if I’ll fall in front of you and cause you to commit manslaughter, which in turn infuriates you and makes you want to commit murder.

You want to run me over. I know you do. I’ve been you. Tomorrow when I can drive I will be you. You want to run me down and I’ve accepted it. Please don’t. People care about me, or so I like to think.

today I did not do any of my planned structured work outs or study languages. I had a job interview and it was over in seconds because I would rather see the love of my life than work for Best Buy. It sucks. I almost didn’t do this post because I felt I had nothing good to report. But like I said earlier, not finishing the run doesn’t mean you quit trying that trail. I have something to achieve. I’ll get there. I just have to stay on the path.

I did however make an artistic change to a project, get out of the house to hear some poetry live, and finish this damn post. Good for my soul.

Always look on the bright side. Take pleasure in the little things