Category Archives: Ephiphanies

I Don’t Hate You

I have a friend who liked to debate difficult subjects on facebook. Often it led to fiery disputes among his friends in the forum that was his facebook comments.

It is now with mild chagrin that I inform you, that he feels silenced by hate.

“Well I admit defeat. I have tried hard to open debate and discussion about various topics. Granted Facebook might not have been the best platform for it but I found it was a platform in which people would actually respond with their view. I have been utterly overwhelmed with the responses I have received. Some of you have been great and offered different opinions that I could use to enhance my own and I appreciate it greatly. However I am too weak a person to deal with all the daily hate I receive for expressing opinions contrary to current popular belief. Iv’e always loved Socrates and his search for knowledge and truth and I always tried to channel him but I am not as strong a man as he was. I cannot deal with all the social shaming I receive. It makes me go to a place I do not like to go. So anyway I will not be posting anymore opinions on topics. I’ve accepted that as the minority opinion I have to just keep my mouth shut. Ultimately I value friends and social standing over my search for truth and knowledge. I’ve let you down Socky old buddy. Please forgive me.”

Here is my response:

I’m not trying to start an argument here, but your opinions are popular with plenty of people, just not necessarily the people you are Facebook friends with.

Another thing to consider is that certain arguments that you have made have suggested that you‘re on the side of those who your Facebook friends consider “systematic oppressors.” Even if your statements where intended as, “let us debate the merit of this position!” They were often understood to be your personal opinions. Appearing to be an opinionated, white, cisgendered male, complaining about your right to free speech or (intentionally or unintentionally) marginalizing/undermining the struggles of those that are not your demographic… Has implications. To a person of color or a feminist or a socialist living in a left-leaning liberal part of the country, you can appear to represent the members of the current establishment who do not understand their positions or care to. This can lead to a feeling that you as an individual could be without sympathy or even empathy for someone whom you refer to as a Facebook friend, or people like them that you don’t know.


“This person is sitting here comparing what I view to be two unequal injustices as though they are equivalent– does that mean they believe that just because everyone struggles, inequities in those struggles are irrelevant/invalid?”

In short. I think what you interpret to be hate is actually just resentment of what people fear you represent.

I’ll leave you with this. Next time someone attacks what you believe, ask yourself if logic is defending your idea or if you are defending the logic of your idea.

Example:
“Feminists are oppressive.”
This is a decades old “dogma”, that truly needs to be supported with facts in order to have any merit. Arguments over what oppression is, what feminism is… Are those perceived as not being empowered capable of oppression? Is oppression a state that exists because of a feeling it evokes or can it be defined independently-… Et al.
The speaker presents potentially as opposition to feminism and provides nothing of intentional value to the “feminists.”

However,

Example:
“If self-proclaimed feminists allow themselves to present a misandrous agenda, and care only about dismantling the oppression of women, then this is not only hypocrisy but they’ve failed to provide a mutually beneficial replacement to the system in place.”

This statement points out an understanding that feminism is about changing the status quo… but the speaker cares about what it will cost the other parties. Whether the change will be a true improvement or simply an endless power struggle.
The speaker presents potentially as ally to the “feminists” and provides constructive criticism.

Sometimes people care so much about things, they forget to show they care about each other.”

It’s nice to hear what those who disagree with you think about your views. And whether or not your views can stand the crucible of criticism.

It is not, however, nice to have your character attacked because of what you believe. And so I want to make sure that is never the way in which I engage another human being.

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Faily post 12: blast!

I was so close to everyday posts guys, but illness and absentminded sneaks caused me to miss a post.
There’s been a lot of faltering on my part in terms of sticking to all of the things I wanted to do. And the blog is the last of the dominoes to topple I suppose.
This is not a resignation. This is simply realization of the lack of discipline I suffer from and a resolution to redouble my efforts.
Like I tend to say often these days, “Tomorrow is a new day.”

Poetry: …Parte tres

So guys..

I went to the open mic. It was… ok. I only stayed for about an hour and then left to go watch TV with the friend I dragged along. Most of the poets we heard in that time were… strange.

Don’t get me wrong, I love strange and poets are a kooky bunch… But some of these guys just felt out of touch. Some tried too hard to conjure imagery, one had a need to be liked, another was just plain dull.

Granted I heard some fantastic stand-up style humor and a few witty observations… but I must say that I wasn’t the only guy there to nod off a bit and one of the performers(who wasn’t very great anyway) got off the stage and started checking his email while the next(much better) guy went.

The experience has made me realize 3 things:

1. Want to write better poetry.

2. The problem I had with poetry, is that it is too often inaccessible to those who aren’t poets themselves.

3. A lot of bad poets, like a lot of bad actors, perform masturbatory acts that mutilate the beauty of the work they could be doing.

I saw a lot of verbose bullshit that, instead of conjuring imagery that evoked anything, just made me scratch my head wondering if there was a reason to be saying anything at all. I heard people stroking themselves, thinking they were sounding intelligent, all the while offering nothing even remotely mentally stimulating.

Where are the seeds that sprouted into inspiration this young man’s mind oh so many years ago? Contemplating the transience of existence in “Nothing Gold Can Stay” and the extended metaphor of life’s difficulties in “Mother to Son.”

What happened to clever limericks like Philip Larkin’s “This Be The Verse”?

The hookingly eloquent, intuitive nonsense like “Jabberwocky”?

Since everyone I listed is dead, I’m adding Sherman Alexie. “Fire as verb and noun” is amazing. If you’ve never read it, do it. The man has been published for a reason.

I’m issuing a challenge to artists, to really make art.

Daily Post 5: Dreaming of daily post 365

Hey Readers,

Only 360 day until I can say that I’ve been doing this for a year straight… I’m wondering what I’ll be saying… Who I’ll be as a person. Where I’ll be and what I’ll be doing. I’m wondering what I’ll look like.

I had a personal realization that as you get older, what’s supposed to have been accomplished by next year starts to become less and less clear. For me, as it does., it also becomes less and less comfortable to consider what I’m doing. I’m worried about goals that I want to achieve and wondering if I’ve set the bar too high for myself. I’m wondering about whether or not I could be doing more and if I set the bar too low. I’m also afraid that complacency with my own comfort now and a lack of guidance will hinder my growth.

As it stands, what I really want to do is heal the world. Sounds kind of silly, but it’s been my deepest desire since I was old enough to think about what I want to do. And while the path that I’m on gets less and less clear as I try to do my own thing, I’ve come presently to the realization that it’s actually the only way to blaze a trail. I can have role models who have tried similar things but at the end of the day I have to find my own way if I really want to be the person I’ve always envisioned I could be. That probably means a little bit more discipline(a hell of a lot actually) and it definitely means “doing.”

If you really want to do anything, you have “to do” I guess.

Daily Post: Day 3

Hey readers,

1. I’m cheating and writing this one before the 3rd day, I may post it at 12 to feel like I’m not. BUT SCREW IT MY HOT BLOG I DO WHAT I WANT.

2. After two days of being more productive than I’d been the two weeks prior, the days feels a lot longer. Mostly because when I talk about what I’ve done, I feel compelled to say more than, “um… stuff.”

At the same time, the days now feel much shorter. After a morning workout, organizing a reading of a script, going on a search for more actors, a power nap, some foreign language study, and a little more music making today, I realized two things:

1. That I’m doing so much my body feels the need to power nap.

2. It will take more than just the willingness to do things that will get them done.

As much as I hate to admit it, I may have to plan things.

Planning things for someone like me is a problem. I hate routines. I hate predictability, I abhor time constraints, and my scumbag circadian rhythm likes to wake me up at 3am if I go to bed before midnight. I don’t like to admit it, but the amount of things that I would like to do in a given day are so numerous that they leave me actually feeling overwhelmed if I try to list them. This often leaves me feeling like I just don’t want to do anything because I can’t figure out what to do first. My solution in the past was to just not do anything.

This was not a solution, it was a cop-out. It was fear. And it was goal related fear.

I’m not the type to fear failing. It’s something I do regularly. It’s actually something I embrace because I think it teaches me things eventually, even when I’m not ready to accept that I was wrong right off the bat and try something else. It’s ok to fail and so long as you don’t quit you’re not really a failure. So what am I afraid of?

My own success.

I’m afraid of my own success. I sabotage myself by starting projects and not finishing them. I have a tendency to sink into sadness and retreat from everything I’m working on. My fear is that once I’m successful I won’t be able to ever stop. I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll never be able to start again because I’ll have dropped the ball. My co-workers, friends, family, fans(if I have them) will all be disappointed and I’ll be a bad investment. But that’s not true.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a break and relaxing when things get a little too hard, but you have to do it responsibly.

It’s like when you pick up running. You want to be able to run 10k. You’re doing alright the first week, but you screw up one day and bite off more than you can chew. You realize you can’t meet your distance goal for that day at your current pace. You can slow down to a jog or even a saunter if you still want to make it the whole way. You can turn around and try again the next day. You can even stop where you are for a while until you find the strength to continue. Hell, you can call a buddy to pick you up, sometimes we need help. But you don’t just quit running because you screwed up. You set yourself a goal for a reason. You know you want to achieve this because you cared enough to work towards it in the first place.
I think deep down we all know the difference between when we quit because something isn’t right for us and when we quit because we don’t want to deal with the responsibility of our successes.

Daily Post – Let’s see how long I can keep it going.

I’ve decided to learn a foreign language or several in my spare time. Just because school is over(for now) doesn’t mean that I can’t learn something new. Something that I’ve wanted to know since I was a child.

I realized recently that most of the time I have, I don’t use in very efficient ways. I want to learn a bunch of things, but I don’t get around to it because I’d rather play a videogame than search for the answer. If it doesn’t come to me instantly in google, I just click the most interesting related link that pops up. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with web browsing, I do find it disturbing that I would rather change my goal than work a little more to achieve it.

If it’s not one thing it’s another though. I have time to work out often but simply don’t and I would rather snack than cook a meal. This wouldn’t be bad if I didn’t have any cooking skills at all or time to do it, but the fact that I would rather just pick up a snack than take the time took something healthy is starting to disturb me. Especially when I realize that it’s not because I have something important to do, I just don’t feel like doing more than the steady amount of nothing I’ve since been up to. So I’ve decided to make a change.

I’m going to do those things I want to do. Because that’s freedom. All this couch-potato business is making me feel like a slave to my comfort.

Zexton Davis on Writing

I just wrote an entire post and deleted it. I could ctrl-z it back. But I’m doing this thing where I create something, destroy it, and subsequently create what will invariably be a clearer, cleaner, more concise version:

 

I wrote a letter to the love of my life a little while ago. I realized in writing to her, that she is my target audience. Hopefully, I will reach her. Hopefully, I will move her. Hopefully, next time she sees me, we’ll have glorious sex.

All of that however is not why I wrote it.

I, in the process of confessing my love and being vulnerable, began a shitty blog post half-way through writing to her. It was about how my last post, the first of this year somehow, was seen by less than 6 people in as many hours. It was sappy and honest and vulnerable and there is nothing wrong with that. I questioned myself and why I write and who I reach and if it’s worth writing if only 5 people read.. and then if only 1 person read. Hopefully, I would’ve reached a few people. Hopefully, I would have made them think. Hopefully, they would’ve liked it and read more.

All of that however is not why I wrote it.

The reason I sat down to write to my love and then concurrently and subsequently this post, is because I had something to say. That is the reason we write. Leave your insecurities at the door. Don’t write because you want to be heard. Write because you have something to say. The people who are meant to find it eventually will. If you’re going to keep doing this you have to believe that deep down or your desperation will make you suck. Stay true to yourself.

References: Emily Dickinson’s poems, Nick Drake’s songs, Edgar Allan Poe, Henry David Thoreau